Prologue

 The whispers in my head snickered collectively at my failure as I kept running through backstreets and dingy alleys.

Yeah, well screw all of you. Not like this ain't your fault in the first place.

So, want to know why I'm running? I'll give you a few hints; a bunch of muscleheads, a convenience store, a terrified but attractive cashier and my goddamned sticky fingers.

It's hilarious, really. I can see why the voices think it's funny; I walk into a store to steal stuff because I'm a klepto with a peanut gallery in my head egging me on, when I realize that the place I regularly shoplift from is being robbed. This pisses me off because of said greed not wanting anyone to steal stuff except I steal stuff.

Yeah, dumb, I know. Not even the worst part though.

The worst part is where I put up a baclava, my snazzy #Night Goggles# and then proceed to absolutely kick ass, handling the thieves like an honest to God superhero, when....

I can't help myself and swipe an entire shelf. In front of the chick I just saved.

Long story short, she panics again, slams me in the head with a thankfully empty can of pepper spray, calls in her boss, who has an unthankfully loaded shotgun and I generally have to run off with my tail between my legs.

Oh. And like a few cops chasing me, but what else is new, amirite?

Back to the situation at hand, I neatly hopped over an overfilled trash can before tapping it with my foot and taking it. Not even looking at the spanking new card in my head, I slapped it and some homeless dude's dumpster fire I swiped for something new to help me lose my tail of a pissed off Rottweiler.

#Burning Trash#

... Of course it is, what the hell was I expecting.

A swing around a pole got me around the corner easily as I reluctantly released the card behind me, relishing the yelp of the crazy dog. I pushed myself a bit harder, ignoring the burning in my lungs and the aches in my legs just to get to the beach and lose anyone tracking me in the ridiculous amount of abandoned warehouses lining the failed docks and pier.

I almost didn't see the red and blue of one of the copper's bikes, but a soft whispering in my head made me look behind the alley I just passed by. It was just... Standing there, but I knew I couldn't give in to steal it because that would put all sorts of unwanted attention on me- Goddamnit I did it again.

Okay, ignoring the pleased feeling of an #Officer's Cycle# in my mental deck, I kept on moving towards the docks, following the lingering smell of salty air that was steadily overpowering the background city stink. I thought I was okay for a bit, but apparently I underestimated that bloody dog, because I could hear its damned barking as it tried to gain on me. What the hell do they feed these things these days?!

I nearly got my answer when I avoided a shanking by one of the druggies that I startled, bending out of the way of that disgusting pocketknife. An elbow to the sternum, a sweep to the back of the knee and I'm free of the wheezing young man, who is now also one #Rusty Pocketknife# poorer. Unfortunately, the dog caught up.

One of the few things I've discovered about my klepto-driven ability is that I can't really store living things in it. Like a pound of ground beef is fine, but and angry Rottweiler? No go. Flicking out another hastily made burning trashcan at the canine bought me some time, but it wasn't fooled for long and ran around it, barking all the while and giving out my location to anyone with ears.

I really don't want to kill this dog despite it making my getaway so hard, so I compromise and lead it across the street, where I jumped onto someone's fire escape and left it there looking up at me and pawing fiercely at the wall, even jumping pretty high sometimes. I knew I couldn't stay up here for long, and unlike an actual superhero I can't fly or shoot out a grappling hook- Good idea for later though- to get to the other buildings. I decided to wait my chasers out up here on the roof and give them a show before pulling out one of my trump cards to aid my escape.

I didn't have to wait long as between the barking, my admittedly poorly thought out trash fire and probably the people living in the building below my sneakers, a pair of winded, sweaty officers made it to my position. Oops, maybe I shouldn't have disabled their cruiser on my way here, but to be honest, they needed to get in shape if this was how much running they could take; everybody wins.

"Get down here, kid! This is the JPD! We just want to ask you some questions!" The leaner, less tired one said, prompting a good amount of ongoers to turn their heads in my direction. Just like sharks homing on on blood, they knew good gossip to put on the Forums when they saw it.

It's Showtime.

"Dearest officers, would you be so obliged to just... Ya know, let me go? I stopped a robbery on Bakers Street; three brutish thugs against one lovely damsel, the travesty! I see no reason for my heroic self to come with you; no need to risk me disappearing, too." I began, absently making sure my face and hair are covered well enough. It's a damn shame that I'll never be able to wear this hoodie for casual runs again, though.

"Disappear, son? Now why would you say that? You did good tonight kid, but we still need to get the full story from you, that's all." The other one smoothly lied, as if I didn't know how horrible our police department treats any vigilante they get their hands on, even the ones doing what's right.

The voices hissed at me to steal the very clothes off his back and leave him in a body bag, which was a scarily detailed request, but I ignored them. Barely; I already had my own experiences to make me pissed enough at them.

"Hm. How's about... No? I think I'll take my leave, officers. Unless I'm under arrest for helping my fellow citizen out?"

"The information we got says that you also robbed the store. You really need to come with us kid, to clear things up." The first one states, not even hiding his damn smile at this, thinking he got me.

The other one has already calmed down the dog, so I'm safe on that front, even if it's for a few seconds. Time to bounce, but I gotta go in style, if at all.

"I believe that we are at an impasse, sirs! Since I don't want to burden you two and your canine companion with the choice of whether or not your are to arrest me, it falls to me to make the choice."

As I said this, I twirled closer to the edge of the building, making sure that they were all looking at where I was, and not where I was going to be. At this point, any semblance of civility was burnt away from their faces and they began yelling that I was under arrest, but what else is new?

"I hold three cards in my hand; The Fool, The World, and a Joker. Take from this what you will. Now, I bid you all, adieu!"

With a flourish, I threw down at least six #Smoke# cards and two #Firefly Bombs# clouding the surrounding streets in smoke and the top of the building in an explosion of yellow glowing fluids. Those alone were okay and completely awesome, but it was my beautiful trump card that saved my bacon.

#Exit Stage#

I completely disappeared in the chaos, the voices louder than ever before, reveling in the... Artistry, I guess? The world was greyscale and I was formless in the 'Curtain', but I remembered where I was meant to exit the stage from, and suddenly, I was there.

All 5'9" of me, with my dark skin and even darker hair in a close buzzcut, clad in a black t-shirt, denim jeans and black baseball boots.

My chaotic eye pallete decided to settle as a soft brown as I snapped them open on a futon in my #Container Crib# before closing again in mirth as I proceeded to laugh my ass off.

My name is Hugh Yates, I got voices in my head, am an incurable kleptomaniac, and a university student. Guess the last one's the worst, right?

My ability to make space, time, reality and common sense my playthings through cards popped up sometime in my swiss cheesed memory. Yep, also an amnesiac, I guess.

I live with my uncle, an insane, utterly swole man that should not be running around like he does at the age of 50. This in itself isn't that bad, but the madman also heard the voices in my head better than I do. Not gonna touch that crazy with a ten foot pole.

But you know what? I wouldn't want it any other way, for now at least. Because I can always turn the odds in some way if needed.

And isn't that what all Wildcards do?